Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
