You can't motorboat a personality
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
