First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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