I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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