you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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