you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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