i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
