is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
