Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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