When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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