Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Randomize
