and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it's great music for shaving your balls
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
