I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I forgot wine drunk hurts
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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