And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
