lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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