I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
