fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
