your parents love me but you hate me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He passed out mid-signature
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
