can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
