How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
