even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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