Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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