take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
