His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
