you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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