So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
