i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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