I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
