Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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