Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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