dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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