I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
