you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
