Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize