Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You're like the curious george of whores
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
