you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
