How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
