i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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