Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
