So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize