I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
