Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
