It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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