last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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