Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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