its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
