Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
