just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
