i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
