He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
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I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize