Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
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I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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