First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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