I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
