Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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