This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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