My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
