haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
